It has been funny how ignorant people can be. Not that they are trying to be, but they just aren't aware of what is coming out of their mouths!!
Last week at soccer practice one of the mom's made a comment about "well, we can't ALL be stay at home moms!" She obviously didn't know I was, we had just met, and I wasn't going to add fuel to this fire.
But when I got home, I was talking to Luke and we realized that yes, many, MANY women could stay home with their children if:
1.)They wanted to. Some women want to have a job and be out and about. THAT IS TOTALLY fine, but the fact is...you could stay home with your kids. It comes down to desire.
2.) Financially. A big portion of families could make due with a 1 income household. It all comes down to discipline and finding a way to budget it. Most often, the daycare/childcare is going to put your budget OVER. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE more income and money to spend on things, but right now, it just isn't going to happen. So I do without.
At Saturday's game, a different mom, Mom #2, was going on and on about how she 'drills' her kids about the right time to get married. "You CAN'T get married until your at least 30. By 30 you can have a PhD., support yourself and THEN you can get married. "
To prove this really helped her kids, they were driving in the car when someone on the radio mentioned that they were married at 21. Her daughter said, "Mom? You can get married at 21!?!" She couldn't believe it! Her mom quickly replied, "No. No you can not."
Umm, I got married at 20. I didn't say anything, just let her go on...and on...and on. Don't get me wrong, she is a nice lady (that I had just met) and there are obviously things that I don't know. (She did mention the ages of her kids 17, 9 and 6. When I asked about their age gap, she said, "My oldest is from my dark past." Gotcha. Maybe that was her reasoning for drilling the age of 30 into her kids.)
Long story short, everyone has a reasoning behind what they do. If you want to be a SHM, do it. If you can't, work. It's all personal. Do the best you can.
Thoughts?
***Disclaimer: Now, with that all said I DO realize that many families CAN'T live on one income. I know this. I am not judging, just making some observations.
This also NOT geared towards those that are single parent homes. I am only talking from my experience whichh is a husband/wife family.
8 comments:
I agree about the sahm thing. There's so many hidden costs to working outside the home that most women don't take into consideration (travel, wardrobe, little extras- eating out more often, paying others to do tasks you would do yourself if you were home, etc). Especially for mothers of multiple young children that need all day childcare, they make so little it might not be worth it if they really knew.
And for some, even that little is so essential it doesn't matter if it doesn't seem worth it. But for others, they should be able to own proudly that they choose to work. I can't imagine anything worse than feeling like you're doing something so major in your life because you HAVE to.
My mother worked because, at the time, she thought she had to financially. And maybe at some points she did after they had made poor financial decisions. But in the end, it was also what she wanted. She liked working. Me on the other hand . . . I really like being my own boss. Why would I want to have to do all the things I do now plus go outside the home for 20+ hours a week and do stuff for someone else, too?
I think the hardest thing about hearing women say that, is that it rarely comes from women living at poverty level. Often it is from women whose husbands' salaries alone are far beyond what my dh makes. So then I feel bad. I want to show them that they really could be home if they wanted . . . but it's not my business because sometimes it doesn't seem like they want to be home so much as they want to pretend they have no choice. Once again, if you want to work, work proudly!
Sorry, that's just my soapbox too. I love being home. I'd love to help other women be home, too, if that's what they really wanted. And I wish we, as women, would just proudly own up to the choices we make either way.
It is always very interesting to me to hear people's take on life--and what they will do to try to make sure their own kids don't make their same mistakes.
Ultimately, life is just a big bunch of choices--
It is about what you value.
I've known many people that talked about how they couldn't afford to have kids younger--but yet they could go on trips around the world and buy expensive cars, etc. If you want it or want to make it work, you can and it will.
Same with getting married younger, etc. If you always put off things because of fear--or to have a perfect plan, I can promise you now, something will throw a kink in things. Life is what happens when you're making other plans. :)
I've done both and here's my take. I loved staying home, but when Todd decided to go back to schoool to get his MBA I was prompted (STRONGLY PROMPTED) I needed to find a job. 2 months later I had a job as a head start teacher with my mom watching Drew and Carli, and I sobbed the way to work for the first month. Then after working for a while I started to enjoy it and realized I was really good at what I did and was getting rewarded for the job I did (which doesn't happen at home). After Todd graduated the economy tanked and Todd was unable to get a job for 8 MONTHS! I know the reason I was prompted to get that job was so that I could be the one providing for our family for that time. After Todd did a job was when it got tricky. It is super enticing to work out of the home, because by then I enjoyed it. I totally agree with your points on wanting to stay home, and making it work financhially. We finally decided that I needed to be home again and I quit, and it was hard. Being a stay at home mom is not easy, and you hardly ever get any praise or rewards for what youre doing other than the hugs and kisses from your kids, which do go a long way. And I got married at 21 and turned out just fine too! :)
This is a touchy topic for so many mothers. I'm a SAHM too and I love it. I love both mothers that stay at home and those that work, as long as their kids can have play dates and every now and then they can make it out for a girl's night out so we can laugh and talk. But, it shocked me when my hubby's boss told him that because I didn't work outside the home that I was a free-loader. What an ignoramus. But my husband was on my side and told him that I work harder than he does and that he's proud of me. I am blessed.
It's so different hearing about social experiences in areas outside of the Mormon bubble. It seems to me, though, that no matter who we become we will (stereotypically or personally) be somewhat of a disappointment. But on the other hand, we are the pride and joy in some eyes, and we have family and friends that love us for who we are. Thank heavens for these relationships!
Thanks for this post! I've been thinking about this topic a lot since the whole Romney's wife thing was said.
The scariest thing I've ever done is quit my job when, with just our bills alone, we came up $300 short on our monthly budget. But it was amazing at how prompted I was to stay at home and when I made that decision the Lord blessed us ten fold. Every month so far we have been able to pay our bills and even have extra.
I think if that's what you think is best for your family then you make it work not matter what!
This is such a touchy topic, but I think most families could live on one income just fine...as long as the husband is a hard worker. I've seen husbands who aren't and then the wife has to pick up the slack. I chose a hard-working hubby and I can stay home.
I firmly believe that the world is falling apart because mothers are working. Obviously single parent homes don't count, but that's not what we're talking about. Even when my hubs quit his job and went back to school for 8 months, I didn't work. We lived on savings so I could be home with Blake. So important.
Ah, some people just spew off at the mouth assuming that everyone within earshot agrees with them. I wonder what she would've said if you had called her out on her ignorance and told her you were a SAHM and married at the tender age of 20.
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