Alright...it's been a few days and I am good to go with the whole "venting" thing.
In other news, Mac IS starting to feel better. He is breathing better and DEFINITELY eating better! He kept me up most of Sunday night eating...and I wouldn't CHANGE that for anything.
Monday after he got done nursing I was talking to him...and what did I find? A TOOTH!
That's right! Our little man has his first tooth. I seriously can't believe it...mostly because Livi was almost 14 months and Spencer was 9 months when they got their first teeth. Another reason I don't want to believe it? It means that my baby is growing up.
I have a confession to make. I am enjoying Mac more than my other two kids. Don't get me wrong. I do not love him more or favor him more (although he IS a baby and I do love this age!) But I am just enjoying him more as a baby. With the other two it was a race to see how fast they crawled, walked, talked, etc. With Mac? I don't want him to get bigger. I want him to stay my adorably, cherubic, fat baby. Is that wrong? I wonder how other mother's of 3+ feel.
If I could do it over again, I would cherish Livi and Spencer MORE than I did and if you know me, I cherished them A LOT. I know people have said it before, "you'll blink and they will be grown and gone." It's true. Livi is 6. Spencer is 3 1/2. It has gone too fast. I wonder if in Heaven we will get to replay the "video" of our lives, just so I can relive them as baby's and toddlers. I miss them. Their innocence. We try so hard to keep it in tact, but it's very difficult with how much pressure the world is pressuring us.
Livi has changed in the last 4 months. She isn't same girl she once was. Again, don't get me wrong...she is amazing and wonderful and so full of life. But since she has started Kindergarten, I have seen a change in her. Her personality is different, her happy disposition is different. Much of that could be because she gets up so early and is so tired, but I know that a lot of it is because of the other children and influences she is exposed to every day. It's sad. I know that I need to step it up and be a better mother and example to her. She needs more from us. From me. I am the example that she will look up to when she becomes a wife and mother.
I will do more...my kids deserve it.
8 comments:
You are a wonderful mother and such a great example of righteousness. I'm so proud to call you my friend.
It's funny that you say you enjoy Mac more than your other kids. I feel like it's the same with me. I only have one other child, but I think I just really love the baby stage. Braden's doing everything so early and though it's fun to watch it all, I hate it!!
Oh and I second that thing about watching videos in heaven. That would be awesome.
Connel and I were just talking about how that last 6 weeks have just FLOWN BY! It's fun to look forward to when they will laugh, smile, play and talk to you, but you are right, CHERISH THE NOW! It's sometimes hard to do that when there are a lot of hard times (and late nights) but that's what I need to do.
I have definitely enjoyed baby number three the most too. I was so paranoid when Abbie was a baby so it was harder to relax and enjoy her. Ally came when Abbie was only two so I felt guilty when I was giving lots of attention to Ally and not Abbie. It was really hard, but I finally seemed to find a balance when I had Tessa.
It's funny that you posted about cherished your third more, because another friend of mine who also just had number three said the same thing and I totally agree too. Somethings different this time. I don't mind the long nights or the things that used to bother me. Now I just enjoy spending time and seriously marveling at home amazing little babies are. I don't want Britni to grow up too fast either. I also think it's because our oldest are getting so much older and things are different. They're so much simpler when they're babies! I'm glad Mac is doing better! We miss you guys!
Katie: I just have to comment even though I know it's not that fun getting comments from your old aunt!
I absolutely loved my third baby. I didn't even send him to preschool when he was old enough because I loved having him with me.
When my children started school, I cried, too, not because I knew I would miss them, or my babies were growing up; it was because after my first one went, his personality changed and I knew the rest would do that, too. It really broke my heart. But it's a reality we have to allow happen and live with it. Darn!
I feel EXACTLY the same way Katie!
I totally feel the same way. After each sentece you wrote, I noticed myself saying "Amen" out loud. =)
It's so hard to be a mother and it's also just as hard being a child.
We do just need to be strong examples to them and teach them the right things. You're a great mother Katie. You have nothing to worry about.
I have being feeling the same way about number 3. Our kids are all about the same age and I totally agreed with everything you said. I felt guilty and didn't want to express it out loud. Thanks for saying it aloud. I enjoyed knowing I wasn't the only one and that others are feeling the same. There most be something about number 3 that is just so special. (not that numbers 1 and 2 aren't special, it's just different)
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